An Oldie – But Always Funny

Are you a Martha or a Maxine?

Stuff  a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of an ice  cream cone to prevent ice cream  drips.

Just  suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the  cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on  the couch with your feet up eating it,  anyway!

To  keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in  the bag with the  potatoes.

Buy  Hungry Jack mashed potato mix. Keeps in the  pantry for up to a  year.

When  a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan,  use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there  won't be any white mess on the outside of the  cake.

Go  to the bakery! Hell, they'll even decorate it  for you!

If  you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's  still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it  will absorb the excess salt for an instant  'fix-me-up.'

If  you over-salt a dish while you are cooking,  that's too bad. Please recite with me the real  woman's motto: 'I made it, you will eat it and I  don't care how bad it  tastes!'

Wrap  celery in aluminum foil when putting in the  refrigerator and it will keep for  weeks.

Celery?  Never heard of it!

Brush  some beaten egg white over pie crust before  baking to yield a beautiful glossy  finish.

The  Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include  brushing egg whites over the crust, so I  don't.

Cure  for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and  rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go  away.

Take  a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and  drink! All your  pains go away!

Don't  throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into  ice cubes for future use in casseroles and  sauces.

Leftover  wine??????????? HELLO!!!!!!!